Summer/Fall update

Hey again everyone, I realize it's October, but here's the update from the rest of the summer. We went camping a couple times in the pop up. Neither went very smoothly, but a fun time was had by all. Natalie discovered that she loves baked beans and will eat them until she is sick. Good to know. We went up to the Leja's cottage for Memorial day. Jodi was the grill master and as usual there was enough food to feed a small army. We relaxed, played in the water and on the beach. It was beautiful.

So far this fall we have...pretty much not done anything noteworthy. As mentioned before Ryan went away on business to Pittsburgh for the longest 9 days ever. Natalie had her first experience with and oxygen mask at our trip to the med center when she had RSV. And lastly, I've been working on this whole baby thing and have now finished the first trimester. I feel soooo much better but am finding this pregnancy thing really rough while chasing a one-year-old. I nap when I can and whine a lot :) I've got to milk this pregnancy because it is probably our last. I think it's a boy. I'm going to do one of those poll things (if I can figure it out) and see what you all think! Till next time...

Perfect?

Okay, so it has been a while since my last posting, as so many of you have discreetly pointed out. So I'm turning over a new leaf, I will not require myself to have a photo with every post. I will just subject you all to my thoughts and ramblings from time to time. Here I go...
Julie, Jessica and I were talking about a blog of one of Jessica's friends saying they really enjoyed reading it because the woman was so real with her thoughts. Then today at church, the sermon was about labels that we give to people or give to ourselves. At the end of the sermon we were invited to come to the cross to give our labels a final resting place and learn freedom in the only label we need..."forgiven".
That got me thinking, what are my labels? In school I was always the "Honor roll student" and all around "good girl". In college I was "fun", "smart" and for the majority of the time "Andy's girlfriend". Then came the crisis of graduating and starting to define myself within the real world. I think the label that described the next five years best was "nurse". It was not only my profession, but my personality all rolled in one. Then I met this skinny, red-headed guy and fell madly in love and graduated to the labels of "fiance" and then "spouse". These were hard for me because the attached me to another person. I felt I no longer had my own identity, but was always considered in context of my marriage. That's when I started to really try to achieve the label of "perfect". At times I wanted to extend that to Ryan (which is totally unfair, I realize this, but as I stated earlier I felt that I was only seen in context of my relationship. None of this was a result of anything Ryan said or did, he never labeled me as anything other than "Kara". God was so wise in sending him to me!). Then God rocked my world again and I became a "mother". This label is so weighty at times I feel crushed by the responsibility of it. "Perfect" seems so far away.
Guess what? I lose my temper at times at this amazing little gift from God, Natalie. I lose my mind at times from being tired beyond any tired I have every felt before. I don't clean my house with any sort of regularity, in fact my daughter frequently finds and eats days old Cheerios off the floor and it doesn't bother me. I have actually not had time to shower for days, and I don't remember what my face looks like when it has make-up on every day. I opt for pants instead of skirts or shorts many times because shaving my legs seems like such a time waster. I'm not a great wife to my husband all the time, I try and fail over and over. I want to be a size 6, but I am never going to be, and that gives me such a feeling of worthlessness at times it is crazy. I mean, there are people starving to death, homeless, or have suffered horrible tragedies, and I'm obsessed with the number on the tag of my jeans, get real. I love going to work some days because there I'm not "Natalie's Mom" I'm "Kara" (but I love my days off too where there is nothing better than being "mom"). So now you now my deep dark secrets and I am dropping my endless effort to be "perfect". I'm tattooing the label "forgiven" right across my forehead and embracing all that it means.
So, what are your labels and who put them there? Are you carrying a label around that you got as a child and hasn't applied in decades but haven't been able to peel off? I know it will be hard to not go back to my old insecurities when I feel like others are judging me and my family. Please give me a nudge if you feel me heading in that direction. I can always use the support of my family and friends.
Lastly, I need a new name for my site since it really is just "She says" something every 2 months. I promise to get better! Let me know what your ideas are!

A little of this and that

Let's see, what has been going on since my last post (and for the record Jessica, it was only one month ago, not two!)? Well, alot has gone on, hence the load of pictures at the start of this post. We went to Jessica's Grandparent's cottage with our small group and had a blast. Remember when tubing behind a boat was so fun and you always wanted the driver to go faster? Apparently that disappears sometime in your teens, because I have never felt so old as I did the next couple days after tubing. I think my hands were locked in a claw like shape for about 3 days and I could only turn my head to the side by turning my whole upper body, Dr. Evil fashion. Tuck-a, tuck-a, tuck-a (it's an Austin Powers reference in case I wasn't clear enough).

Next was 4th of July at the Leja home on Lake Bella Vista. Also a ton of fun. Natalie loved playing with her cousins! Ryan loved lighting off his big fire works, and I don't believe anyone was injured!

Later in July we went camping, in a tent, with an 11 month old, with Tim and Marcie and the kids. Also a ton of fun, but did lead us to the decision to buy a pop up camper. It got down into the low 40's most nights. We had Natalie bundled in so many layers she didn't notice the cold, but I did. Especially when Roo gets up a 6:15am and is ready to play. You can't let a child yell and babble in the tent, the whole campground doesn't want to be up early. So we would get up a feed her at the picnic table (her little fingers would turn blue eating her really cold banana) and then she would play. Ryan and I would huddle by the fire trying to feel our fingers. It warmed up nicely during the day and we had fun going to the beach. Ryan, Tim, and Ethan went into town for some sort of Motorcycle extravaganza and got to see some really cool tricks. I also took Natalie's one year pictures at another camp ground north of Muskegon (Pioneer park). Overall, a very fun experience.

Next was our 3rd anniversary, we did nothing, I 'm still waiting for my date...hint hint to Ryan there.

And the last exciting thing in July was Natalie turning 1! Her party was so much fun. Julie helped me make a little cake for her to destroy and about a hundred cupcakes for everyone else. She got all the toys her little heart could desire and was so exhausted by the time she went down to bed she didn't even move in her crib until morning!

So, we had a very eventful July. I'll give everyone a tour of our ghetto-fabulous trailer once we get it back from the canvas repair people. I'm also going to make new curtains and cushion covers because the old ones are teal and peach. Can you guess what year it is? Hope everyone is doing well, especially all my little pregnant friends! We miss you Josh and Jessica and already miss you in advance Erika and Bryan! Until next time...

We're off to see the Wizard?...

KT-I'm not sure how far I can take this whole Wizard of Oz metaphor. If Jeff's the Wizard, what does that make Sarah and Gabe? And if I'm Dorothy is Ryan the Scarecrow or the Tin Man and is Kurt the Cowardly Lion or maybe one of those flying monkeys? And the only role small enough for Natalie would be Toto, and I'm not about to cast my daughter as an annoying little yippy dog (although she did do a great impersonation of one a couple times on the flights to and from Kansas). And there's the whole thing that we were traveling to Kansas, not trying to return there. So, having beaten that whole thing to death I will proceed.

We got in the car early on Friday morning (May 8th) and drove to South Bend (I think that was the airport, we don't have the fondest memories of that place so I may have blocked it) and hopped on a plane to Chicago. Our layover was just long enough to make our connection to Kansas City. Only a short three hour drive later we arrived in lovely Wichita. Our hotel was great and the first night we put the kids down in their respective beds (and thanks to Sarah's parents, aka babysitters) after an afternoon of swimming in the pool, we got to go out to a movie. The theater is actually a restaurant. The space between the rows of seats is wider and you have a waitress that comes to take your order. Pretty cool, we should open one in GR. The real education in what it means to be a Kansan came the next morning when we went to Frontier days and had biscuits and gravy for breakfast, mmmmm good. Anyone who knows me knows that that was sarcasm, but the boys loved it. We got to see the Budweiser Horses and a quick draw club practice shooting (think old western movies). The highlight of the day was seeing Jeff in all his city boy glory mount a horse using a step ladder while wearing sandals and then go for an approximately 3 mph ride on a horse lead by a maybe 13 year old girl. It was a sight. Coming a close second was my surprise when Kurt lassoed (I have no idea how one spells that word) me. Nothing like being mistaken for cattle. After another afternoon of swimming (Natalie couldn't get enough of "going under", check out the picture above) we were off to the Rodeo. After examining the clothing options we had brought with us it was painfully obvious we simply had nothing to wear that screamed Rodeo viewers. So we went as our usual yuppie selves. I must admit, I had a blast, as did all others in attendance. What is it about cowboys girls? Sunday was filled with gun shooting for the boys and shopping for the girls and babies. After about our 14th trip to WalMart the boys finally had enough ammo to do it up right (not to mention Ryan's whole keys being shipped to him saga). Monday morning we left early to drive once again to Kansas City and begin our long journey home. What did we learn from our trip?...

1. Sugar Bugger is a term of endearment believe it or not

2. When both blinkers are going off we call that the hazard lights (shout out to Sarah with that one)

3. Jeff looks funny riding a horse

4. Kara is not cattle and should not be mistaken for one, EVER

5. WalMart is not nearly as trashy in Kansas as it is on Alpine

6. Babies don't like to be held on you lap or be put in a car seat for 12 hours straight

7. Babies can live on Gerber puffs and fruit snacks for about four days and not be phased

8. They still make moon pies, and they are pretty good.

9. Gabe is even cuter than his pictures and so much sweeter than you can possibly imagine

10. Kurt is not the third wheel on these trips, the poor innocent female exposed to the Ryan-Kurt phenomenon is actually the victim.

So, with all said and done, it was a great trip and we miss Jeff and Sarah a lot again already!

Back for another season...

KT- We thought we would be like Lost and go off the air for 7 months. But, we're back. So after many subtle hints here's our latest news. Natalie was dedicated on Sunday May 20th. Our church, Mars Hill, practices infant dedication instead of baptism. We have adult baptism which would be similar to profession of faith and conformation in other churches. Ryan and I attended a class and wrote a covenant. Our family and friends joined us in a room at church and Aaron Meares the children's pastor lead the service. We did do the traditional cake and ice cream after, we are still Grand Rapids Dutch at heart (we didn't serve the ham-on-bun or potato salad though, we are rebellious dutch). Here's our covenant that we wrote...

"Our Sweet Girl-

You have been a miracle in our lives from the moment we found out about you. Becoming parents has been one of the scariest and most amazing blessings. There are so many things we want for you, but we are learning to daily put you into God's hands. We can never be perfect, but know that your Heavenly Father is and He entrusted you to us. He chose us as your parents and we willingly accept all that that entails. We are so dedicated to you that we want to make a covenant with you and God today.

Natalie, we promise to love God and to love each other. We want to daily model the love that Jesus exemplified. Our marriage is one place that we can show you that love. We promised on our wedding day to chose to love each other for the rest of our lives and we made that commitment in front of God. Today, we make a commitment to chose to love you. The unconditional love that God has for us lives in our hearts for you. You will grow and change and mature. You will make decisions and chose paths that maybe we won't agree with. That will not change our love for you.

We cannot wait to see the person you develop into, and yet we want to slow time down to squeeze every last second out of our time with you. We know that all to soon you will not be our little girl anymore and we will have to trust that we raised you with God at the center of your life. We promise to recognize that you are an individual and not an extension of ourselves. And we promise to respect you in your individuality. Be patient with us as we learn how to love you best as you are, not how we think you should be.

We also promise to teach you and guide you in your relationship with Christ. We know that just hearing about it isn't enough. We want to immerse you in Him. Church will not be the place that God lives. He will live in our home right beside us. You will see us seek His guidance in all matters. You will see your parents pursue Him!

Natalie, we promise to create a safe place for you in our home where you know that you are protected. Where you know that your parents will not let harm come to you. Where you feel comfortable enough to open yourself up and take risks as you grow.

Sweetheart, we love you so much we can't even put it into words. You will have to feel the extent of our love in our actions."

Ryan had to read the covenant because I couldn't make it through the first paragraph with out sobbing, and that was just proof-reading it! Other than Natalie's dedication we also had a 60th birthday party for my Mom at Bistro Bella Vita, and she was surprised! It had to be a surprise or she wouldn't come. She is convinced that 60 is old, I keep telling her that she is still young, at heart at the very least. Natalie and I also participated in the MS walk with Jodi on team Twinners. We do this walk every year with the family and friends. If anyone is interested in how they can help or want to know more about MS give me an email. Well, this entry has gotten really long, hopefully it was worth the wait! Love you all.

Back to Reality...

KT - After much apprehension and a few tears, I left our daughter in excellent care and went on vacation. She hit a big milestone about a day before we left, she started to crawl. Granted she looked like a drunken sailor (her top half went forward, her bottom half went sideways), but it was crawling! We spent 5 days in Fort Lauderdale at the Harbor Beach Marriott. Our room was phenomenal, it was as suite! The sign on the door said the suggested retail was $4,000 a night! And, it's hard to cry the whole time when you are sitting at the pool sipping fru-fru drinks and then going to the spa for a pedicure, manicure and hour long massage. We really roughed it. Ryan played poker by the pool for about three days straight, you should see his deep, dark tan! We spent most of our time with two other couples (Susanne and Dennis Dahl and Rachel and Steve Miller) and a set of "just friends"(Mike and Ashley - I won't even venture on how to spell their last names). Other than lounging around, we had an awards night for the winners of the trip (they represented the top 7% of Huntington employees!) that ended with a dinner cruise on a huge yatch down the Intercostal. Ryan and I picked out a few possibilities for our future summer home! We also went into Hollywood for dinner one night and then to the Hard Rock casino. That was my first excperience with slot machines, probably my last! We were up about $20, but lost it all and $20 more in the last 45 minutes. Lesson learned. We flew back on Sunday and got to spend the evening with our little girl, I couldn't get through the door fast enough to squeeze her!

Roo's first Easter!

KT - Well, Natalie's first Easter was blessing. She was sunshine all day. Just looking at my perfect little girl makes my heart break for Mary. Can you imagine seeing your child nailed to a cross? Why was Mary chosen to bear the exceptional pain of being the mother of Christ? Because she also was exceptionally blessed to be His mother. I was in awe when I saw Natalie's face light up with a smile for the first time. Mary saw her son turn water into wine and heal the sick! She had a bond with Christ no one will ever experience. I thank God daily for the gift he has given me in my little girl. I'm sure Mary felt the same way about Jesus, even as she watched him suffer and die FOR US. We had so much fun with Easter baskets and family dinner, but the most amazing gift is that HE IS RISEN!